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Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Royally Frustrated....the sex life of Louis XVI

       So it is New Years...and there are no doubt quite a few of us that feel lonely or frustrated with our romantic lives. Well, this is a tale of a royally epic and no doubt frustrating dry spell to make you feel better about the lack of romance in your lives. This is the tale of Louis XVI's bizarre first years of marriage to Marie Antoinette.

      So when Louis and Marie were married they were in their mid teens. This of course is when we are all bursting at the seems with hormones and you would think the royal couple would have done what teenagers tend to to, and by all means, what they were expected to do...procreate. Well that is by no means what happened on the first night...or the first week...or the first month...or the first year of their marriage. In fact the marriage was not consummated with a royal shagging for about 7 years. Now you might wonder why a young couple would go so long without doing the deed, well here is why.

     It was not that Louis found Marie unattractive. Indeed there were many royal unions that overcame that hurdle successfully. No it seems that quite literally the Dauphin and later King Louis was physically unable to perform due to his anatomy. It is likely that he suffered from a condition called phimosis. This is when the male's foreskin does not allow for sexual arousal and function without extreme pain. It simply gets in the way as it cannot retract. Europeans then as now do not tend to circumcise their male children(we in America do...but that is another post), which would have remedied the condition before it was ever apparent. However, it was not until he was in his 20's that some sort of procedure or treatment(royal records are a bit vague...probably to prevent embarrassment) was done on the royal member to make sure the bloodline would continue. Likely this meant circumcision. So the king who famously lost his head at the guillotine in 1793 lost part of himself to the blade about 16 years earlier. Poor guy just did not have luck when it came to anatomy and sharp objects.

  

A young-ish Louis XVI

All the males in the reading audience are likely now instinctively protecting their stuff. Poor Louis XVI found blades to be a royal pain.

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